This is an article I came up with when I didn’t want to write; AND it CAME from writing something really silly. I was in a bad mood, with low energy; but I knew that I needed to write something, because I had set a promise to myself that every day I would write SOMETHING. Here follows that silly bit of writing, which over a period of two days…(about twenty to thirty minutes each day), produced the main article:
I don’t want to write right now. It doesn’t feel ‘right’; but that’s my anxiety. That’s me playing a trick on me to keep me from becoming free. It’s like the 5 – Tibetan Yoga that I didn’t want to do. Maybe I felt that I didn’t have the energy to be authentic to gain anything from the experience. Maybe I felt that to be me was not enough at that present moment and I wanted to avoid the discovery of not being enough, typed out in black and white.
And Here is the writing that followed from the stream of consciousness, above:
I’ve got this mantra…just created it today that goes like this: “My Anxiety is just an energy not easily defined. Yet I will transform that energy, in time, into the energy of my desire.”
We all come against ourselves. This is the true test: Not what one does to us, or what the world does to us. The true test is what we do to ourselves. When one comes against one’s self, they have a choice…to push on, or to retreat. Coming against one’s self, is actually pushing against what is NOT one’s self – pushing that aside to discover what IS one’s self.
I am pushing against the non-creative, non-writer, perception of myself. I’m pushing against the perfectionist who is too scared to move ahead, for fear of making some irreconcilable mistake. I’m pushing against entrenched beliefs, structured into entire paradigms, which control every waking decision I make. It is hard to do this, because it takes venturing forth in unknown territory where ANYTHING might happen. That can be frightening; but it can also be exhilarating. It also takes a bit of faith – that you will be ok, even if something goes wrong.
We grow up in this world, and here in the United States, anyway, we are shipped off to Kindergarten, then Grade School, Middle School, and finally High School, before going off to a college, University, or a trade school. This is the traditional model. And along the way, it is drummed into us all through this process, that mistakes are bad, collaborating with other people is bad (when it comes to tests and quizzes – which by my standards, in the real world…equate to projects) and it is extremely important to memorize or store up a bunch of facts and figures.
The APPLICATION of that knowledge doesn’t seem as important, as the accumulation of it (to our institutions of learning). And then, creativity is discouraged when those teaching us ask, “Well, what is the right answer?” Often times, in life, there are a number of right answers; and most times, that answer depends on who is asking and what their perspective is. So, we are taught to get very good at guessing what someone else thinks is the right answer, but not what WE think those right answers might be. We are taught to move away from trusting ourselves; and instead, are penalized if we don’t put that faith in someone else.
No wonder, when trying new things, we are afraid to commit any energy or much of our time to it. I mean, what if we get it WRONG?! That’s the worst thing that could happen, according to what our schools have been teaching us. So, if we don’t have a ready-made set of rules for success or getting the right answer…a lot of us will steer away from anything that might smack of not being in that particular familiar style of textbook-multiple-choice, fill-in-the-blank; but-only-choose-one scenario that we’ve all become so accustomed to. It takes real courage to break out of that and become our own voice, our own seekers, and, ultimately, our own masters!
Oh, at times, we will need a mentor or a teacher; but their job is only to share with us a possible way; not to try to cram their whole theory into our heads.
Search for any of the great teachers in life; and you will find something perhaps startling…they all tend to ask many more questions while teaching, than facts. It takes way more intelligence for a person to be led through a particular path of inquiry, and to make their own connections and ‘aha!-s’; than it does to simply remember some facts and figures. And, it makes the learning become personal and ingrained, because the insights which the student comes to, is arrived at through the drawing from their own, unique life experiences. I’m fairly certain, that to learn, one must have some kind of an established framework. If the teacher simply hands over the answer, how likely is it that the student will work to pull together connections from their past knowledge in order to make new connections?
So go out there and be bold; and try new things. You might be surprised to see who you could really become!