For right now, I’m in the process of learning to do one thing, consistently, every single day.
That one thing is to write something; even if I don’t feel like it in the least.
Today, I don’t feel like it. But I’m working on that, too. I’m teaching myself how to change my mood using music, light, meditation, visualization. I guess that it’s all been said before. Numerous books have been written on the subject from all kind of angles, but there’s room for yet another interpretation.
The hardest thing for me has been to cultivate within myself the willpower and motivation to keep going no matter how I feel. Today, I didn’t even feel like getting out of the apartment. I slept until it was 4:30 in the afternoon, and would have slept more. I took a shower in the dark and did some meditation right after some progressive muscle relaxation (where I’d work my way from my feet to my skull, squeezing each part for 5 seconds and then relaxing for a breath).
I want to be able to turn this on at will. I want drive my own bus, so to speak. I’m tired of letting the world drive it for me. It’s my life, and so, I will take charge.
It appears that most people have this same problem; though they don’t know it. Something feels, somehow, off, but if ever pressed to place that feeling, all they’d be able to say is, “I dunno. There’s just something not quite right and it bothers me. I don’t feel fulfilled.”
I have to be able to go through this on my own and master it for myself, before I can go on to help other people with this same problem.